Healthy Arguing

Every person that communicates with others will come across a disagreement from time to time. It’s okay to disagree and even to argue. Arguing is a natural response to our emotions winning over our logical side of thinking.

Once my therapist drew this simple diagram that helped me a ton during, before and after many arguments. One side represents our logical side of thinking and second one is our emotional side. In life generally we should stay in the Safe Zone. On the other hand, sometimes it’s nearly impossible not to act on our emotions, they are what you feel so you should always take them into consideration (just leave some space for logic 😉).

When an argument or disagreement arises ask yourself this simple, what is it that I want out of it? Perhaps you are not right and should reconsider your argument.

If during an argument/disagreement you feel your logical side is out the window and you can’t think clearly, step outside of the danger zone – calm yourself down. Breath and count or go for a walk to clear your mind of that negative energy. Then return

Allow yourself to look at the situation from a different perspective. Distance yourself from the situation (metaphorically speaking, or not) to achieve a clearer picture. Remember to keep grounded and present and you’ll be fine.

Gabby’s tip – things said cannot be unsaid, use words wisely.

Listen and speak. Respect is key in any human relations. Shouting usually never gives you the results you want anyway. At least it usually works that way with me. If I’m able to stay calm and form my arguments more logically, I don’t feel the urge to shout.

Since I started therapy in 2018, I’ve learnt so much about coping mechanisms and how to deal better with unpleasant situations. I made drastic changes in the way I react to different things that happen to me or around me. Due to my personality disorder there were times I lose that control, however, learning and constantly practicing how to bring myself faster out of that state of mind helps. I can bring myself back to reality.

3 Comments Add yours

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